Yes, there is such a thing as female ejaculation, better known as squirting. It is NOT urine. That fluid comes from the Skene's glands.
Here is the formal definition of the glands:
Skene’s glands are two glands located on the lower end of the urethra in women or people assigned female at birth (AFAB). Your urethra is a tube-like organ that removes pee from your body. Skene’s glands aren’t a well-known organ, but they play a role in your sexual and urinary health.
The tissues that surround your Skene’s glands swell in response to sexual stimulation. These glands secrete fluid during sexual arousal, which helps with lubrication. In some people, Skene’s glands may function similar to ejaculation and produce a mucus-like substance during orgasm.
Skene’s glands develop from the same cells that become the prostate in men or people assigned male at birth (AMAB). For this reason, some refer to Skene’s glands as the female prostate.
Throughout the years, no doctor or gynecologist has ever spoken to me about these glands. I wonder if they have been checked. I suggest you ask about Skene's glands next time you see your medical professional.
Have you ever been in the throws of passion and you feel like you are going to pee, so you get up and go to the bathroom? That can be a sign that your Skene's glands are full and if you pushed out, you would ejaculate.
I know it's scarry. What if you pee? What if you make a mess? What if your partner doesn't like it?
You can avoid all that by having a conversation with your partner about it, or just show them this blog post.
Facts about squirting:
· Prepare yourself by purchasing a protector for your mattress, and by purchasing a few love pads. Make sure you get them big enough and get two or three. If you place them in the wrong spot, you may still get your bed wet.
· Sometimes when women report not being able to orgasm, or never having squirted, it is because they have not been aroused enough. If sex is too fast, too hard, maybe it's painful, or there are trust or resentment issues with their partner, it will be difficult to be fully aroused. If you have ADHD, you could be stuck in your thoughts, you could be distracted, or you may not be interested in having sex at this time.
· I often hear that foreplay lasts about 10 minutes or so. For some men, and for most women, foreplay needs to last much longer to get the pussy swollen and ready. Explore the entire body. Get curious about where your partner's arousal spots are. Find the erogenous zones. The art of love making is about taking your time, having fun, feeling the sensations in your body. More than anything, it's about sharing love with someone. Don't cheep out, take your time and love each other well.
· You also need to know that every person doesn't squirt out the same amount of fluid. You could squirt out an ounce or a liter, which is about four and a half cups of liquid.
Occasionally there can be traces of urine when you are learning to squirt. Don't panic. You'll get better at it.
· A mistake many make is thinking you are done squirting once there are a few drops of wetness. Some people could probably drown a partner during oral sex. Don't stop unless the person asks you to, or you need to for whatever reason.
· Squirting doesn't mean you've had an orgasm. Sometimes it just feels good to empty the Skene's glands. If you continue to stimulate the area, and all over the pussy, gently and slowly, your partner could have multiple orgasms, more squirting, more orgasms, more squirting. It can be an hour or more of bliss. Remember that orgasm is about breath.
· The clitoris plays a role in arousal. It is NOT the hooded tip where most people think it is. It has four legs, (see the diagram) 8000 nerve endings with no other function than to arouse and give pleasure. I suggest only touching the tip lightly and slowly unless your partner tells you to go faster or harder.
· Notice the diagram with the Skene's glands. All the main turn on organs are just a knuckle or two into the vagina. No need to shove fingers in there quick and hard. The vagina is to be dealt with like a gentle flower. That doesn't mean there won't be times when hard and fast aren't enjoyed. It means start off with touching the whole body gently and slowly. Wait 20 minutes or more before you play with the inner thighs and the outside of the pussy. You can massage it with little circles all over. Work your way to the entrance of the vagina, exploring how it feels. Gradually and gently entering while massaging the walls of the vagina. No need to go deep unless your partner asks for that. Ladies, guide your partner, breathe, and enjoy. Don't shut it down if it gets too intense. Just stop to breathe and continue. Relax and let go. Feel the hand on your skin, on your body. Notice how the sensations feel. Allow yourself to move, to make noises; this will usually increase your pleasure and your partner's pleasure.
· Not all people can orgasm or squirt during penetration. It can be due to not being able to relax enough to let go. It also depends on the size of both people's genitals, and where each person's genitals are located.
Another factor is how much skin is on the tip of the clitoris. Lots of skin or thicker skin makes it more difficult to get all the sensations to orgasm. You can work together to find a rhythm that allows the person with the vagina to touch themselves during penetration.
· You may still need to use lubrication or coconut oil. Do whatever is the most comfortable to both of you.
· You need to take into consideration that sexuality is very individual. No two bodies will enjoy sex exactly the same way. The commonality is our need for sweetness, thoughtfulness, appreciation, and possibly words of affirmation daily. Build a good connection that continues to grow deeper and stronger. Make sure your partner feels special, wanted, desired, and loved daily. If you have a neurodiverse brain, that becomes even more important.
· If you are preparing to ejaculate for the first time, this means your partner will be experiencing this with you for the first time. Before this planned day, discuss what you will do if there is an odor, pee, or anything else that happens other than pleasure. Maybe you will stop working on squirting, remove the pad and continue love making. Maybe you will completely stop and just hold each other, agreeing to try another time. Give yourselves grace and empathy the first times. It is a learning experience.
· Remember that assuming the worst, accusing/blaming, comparing, criticizing, distractions, obligations, and unfairness are relationship killers. They will impact your sex life. Your body won't be able to relax if there are judgments or fears.
· Always allow 20 minutes or more for after sex. Make sure you've discussed what after sex needs to be for both of you to feel good. It's usually not the place to discuss what was great and what you would like more of. That can happen a few hours later or the next day.
In conclusion, squirting may not be obvious, unless someone squirts a lot. It can bring great orgasms for long periods of time. Moving, making sounds, and breath increase arousal. It's important to have open communication without judging or criticizing. Make love making a priority in your relationship. Select a date and how much time you will explore squirting. Discuss if there will be penetration afterward or not. Ninety minutes or more is recommended. Only do things that are a HELL YES to both of you. Most importantly, have fun.
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