Maybe you have been wondering what is killing your sex life. Single or in a relationship, our sex life fluctuates with each stage of our journey. You would think age is a big factor, but it isn't as big of a factor as consistency, feeling loved and appreciated, staying with one partner or two for life, the environment, and what you believe about sex and yourself.
Consistency: As a principle of neuroplasticity (brain function), use it or lose it applies to muscles, cognitive skills, and sex to name a few areas. The more you have it, the more you want it. The less you have it, the less you need it. To all those people who refuse to plan sex, note how often you are having spontaneous sex. For many of my clients, it is a few times a year, once a month, or maybe twice a month. If you planned to put 4 or 5 hours aside one consistent day of the week just for intimacy, you would at least be sure to have it once a week. You have 6 other days of the week to have spontaneous sex.
Feeling loved and accepted: If you are constantly battling as though you are on opposite teams, eventually make up sex will not be appealing. When you are accusing, blaming, comparing, assuming the worst, criticizing, putting your devices, pets, and even kids before your time with someone continuously, it's a turn off. Being far down your priority list can eventually cause someone to lose interest in having sex with you. The same thing is true of a partner who shoots down all of your sexual desires. No one wants to hear... that's gross, you're disgusting. All of these are relationship killers.
There is a lot of scientific research that proves that staying in one healthy relationship or two, throughout your lifetime, is healthier than jumping around a lot. This would indicate you have found a way to communicate, enjoy time together, learn each other's pleasures, and you have both been flexible to allow for each to learn and grow in all areas of life, individually and as a couple. Even as a single person, there are people who have one lover most of their lives, and they really have each other's back even though they never live together. Knowing someone is witnessing your life and appreciating it and you is a big turn on.
What do you believe about sex? The brain is interesting. It believes whatever we tell it. If you believe you can have sex till your 95, you will be able to even with some health challenges. You will find a way to partake and enjoy. If you believe you aren't suppose to have sex after 70, you will most likely not continue having sex after 70 and for reasons listed above, you will not be able to have sex after 70. You decide how you are going to move along your journey.
Are you standing in your own way? No matter what your age or gender, you are the creator of your own life. Let's look at a few things that can negatively impact your sex life, that you can change if you want to. To be clear, I am not a doctor and it is advised to check with your doctor before trying these.
Food - what you eat really matters because it will give you lots of energy, or rob you from any energy. Eating and drinking sugar and processed foods are unhealthy and can kill your libido. Make sure to eat at least two half plates of greens each day, and get your proteins in at every mean. Overeating is one of the biggest epidemics killing people in our society. It does the same for your sexual desires.
Sleep - getting enough good sleep is crucial. It is very difficult to manage emotions and passion when you are always tired. In order to get all sleep cycles, we generally need 8 hours of sleep.
Water - it is important to drink about 3 liters or 12 to 13 cups (8oz) of water each day. If you do vigorous activity, drink more.
Alcohol & drugs - they really are toxins for your brain and body. If you do drugs or drink regularly, you are altering your mind, hormones, neurotransmitters, mood, and more. They do have an impact on your sex life.
Smoking cigarettes and cannabis - both are bad for your lungs and for your brain. Regular use long term, they mess with your organs. Over time both increase anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Both can weaken bones which can lead to osteoporosis. Smoking can absolutely be a sex killer.
Exercise - consistent exercise will give you energy, toning, and endurance. This can be any form of activity you enjoy. Maybe you dance one day, play Pickle ball twice a week, go for brisk walks 3 times a week, & practice yoga one morning. You are doing great. It only takes about 30 minutes a day to stay fit and boost our mental health and energy. This will improve your libido.
Stress - do what you can to have fun throughout each day. Find your peace and make sure you don't allow people and situations to disturb your peace if possible. Following the above will help relieve stress.
There are other environment factors that could be killing your sex life. Here are a few: VOC in air fresheners and scented candles, mold and mildew, pesticides, heavy metals, BPA in plastics, and pollution.
Something that is not addressed enough is menopause and andropause. We all go through significant hormonal changes throughout our lives. The factors above matter a lot and will impact how we age. When andropause or menopause strike, we are often left wondering if we are going crazy. We may act out of character compared to how we were before. This is when many people separate or divorce. Most of us are not prepared for what happens hormonally and physically. Beware that it can dramatically change your sex life. Sometimes menopause/andropause will spike when it begins and settle within a few months, sometimes it can last for years. Get help and find ways to regulate your hormones if the above suggestions aren't enough.
Last but not least is neurodiversity. Yes ADHD/ASD and everything on the spectrum can play with your sex life. Sometimes you might be distracted, bored, disconnected and more.
If you are struggling with any of these and you want to know more, contact me at info@dianedelina.com I have solutions that work for you to live happy and satisfied.
Comments