Let's begin by defining what genitals are. They are the part of the body that allow you to urinate, defecate, procreate, and possibly reach orgasms. They are not all in the same position, they don't all look the same, they don't all work the same.
It doesn't matter if you have a vagina and all of it's parts, or if you have a penis with all of it's parts, or both, we all have some kind of genitals.
To be clear, let's look at the penis and it's anatomy. There is so much more than most people think. Have you had the pleasure of exploring all of these parts. Of touching each one in different ways to see how each feels?
When we look at the vagina's anatomy, it's clear that there is way more than a vagina here. Let's just call the whole thing the pussy. Have you explored each part of the pussy? Do you know which parts are more pleasurable for you? Are you surprised to learn that the clitoris is not just the small spot you find near the pubic bone?
Most likely, you have been referring to the clitoris hood as the entire clitoris. Check it out. Those 8000 nerve endings are encompassed in a lot more than just the hood. All of it has no other purpose than giving pleasure.
That is double the pleasure that a cock can have. IMAGINE!!!
In my practice, I hear many people of all genders complaining about their genitals. They aren't big enough, small enough, tight enough, dry enough, wet enough, positioned right, long enough, and so on. Let's be clear, your genitals are doing their best to do what they were meant to do. How is your mind thinking about them?
What if you stopped complaining and worrying about them, and gave them love and acceptance instead? I am not talking about masturbation.
I am talking about touching genitals for the purpose of showing them gratitude, love and acceptance. Yes, you heard me correctly. Every part of your body needs to feel loved and accepted for your happiness.
Think of a time where you received a bad hair cut, or you started losing your hair.
Now think of a time when you loved the way your hair looked and felt. When did you feel more confident and good looking? What was the different in how you presented yourself? It's the same with genitals. The better you feel about them, the better you will present yourself in the world and sexually.
How to love and accept your genitals?
Begin by putting one hand on your genitals and one on your heart for 5 to 10 minutes, closing your eyes, and noticing how you feel. Don't move your hands, just holding your heart and genitals. Repeat every day for a week or two. If you aren't sure about your specific feelings, print out a feelings wheel from Google.
Next, start giving your genitals little massages for 5 or 10 minutes a day, making little circles on the outskirts of your genitals slowly and gradually, gently and harder to see what kind of pressure feels best to you.
When you feel comfortable with the small massages, turn them into a full genital massage making little circles all over the area slowly, and noticing how it feels. Practice different touches during the massage, with the intention of giving every part some love and acceptance. This can be very soothing and freeing. The goal is not orgasm, it is not sexual arousal.
If you have a partner that you trust, you can also practice genital massage together. Have a good conversation first about the dos and don'ts, and go over the intention for the exercise.
For people who have experienced sexual trauma, painful sex, sexual shaming, and other negative aspects of sex, genital massage can establish safety, confidence, trust, and connection. It can be the beginning of letting someone into your private world.
Knowing there won't be expectations of sex can be a great relief. Remember... first, let them hold your genitals only. When you are comfortable with that, move from simple to more complex massages. Incorporate loving and accepting your genitals into your daily routine.
If you are always the giver or receiver, it is a great way to learn how to do the opposite. Great sexual satisfaction is about balance between giving and receiving.
If you find it too intimate and awkward, you can start by doing this for a short period of time while watching TV.
Sexiness comes from appreciating and embracing all of yourself. It comes from being free to be naked and from being confident that you are gorgeous.
Think of your body as the ultimate prize someone can get. Anyone who gets to see it is extremely lucky. If someone gets the honour of touching it, they better be respectful, thoughtful, and careful with it. If not, stop and walk away.
Don't focus so much on how someone sees you. Focus more on being grateful and excited that someone is letting you see and touch their body.
Once you have practiced making peace with your genitals for at least 30 days, let me know if genital love and acceptance is important.
If you found this helpful, please click the heart or write YES in the comments. Thanks.
I care,
Diane
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